Cookie's MPF Application

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Post by CookieMasterz on Tue May 07, 2013 11:42 am

OOC

Steam name: CookieMasterz
SteamID: STEAM_0:1:24410537
Age: 14
How long have you been playing SlothGaming?: 1-2 Days
How long have you been roleplaying for?: A year, Maybe a bit more.
Why do you want to join the MPF?(1 paragraph): Well there are multiple reasons why i want to join the MPF. One of them is because as a citizen, I honestly cant really do much, Im pretty limited on options and restricted to certain areas. And You cant really make THAT much rp as a citizen, Since most shops are either closed or some areas are completely off-limits to citizens. Also it just seems like plain fun to be in the MPF.
Why does your character want to join the MPF?(1 paragraph): He used to be a Police Officer before the Seven hour war, And he thinks that the rebels are completely ruining the lives of the citizens, By killing our protectors and destroying civilized societys. Since he thinks so badly about rebels, He would like to join the MPF.
Do you have any previous MPF experience?: No
Have you ever been banned, if yes explain why?: Never been banned.

IC:

Name: Randolf Himmer
Age: 33
Sex: Male
Weight: 180 Pounds
Height: 5 Feet 9 Inches
Why do you want to join the MPF?(2 paragraphs): Randolf would like to join the MPF Because he believes the rebellion is just trying to destroy the lifes of the people. Many people are upset about the sudden change of command here on planet earth, But randolf understands that nothing could be done, And that people have to accept the fate earth has fallen into. The rebels are doing nothing to help the humans, Even if we did get rid of the combine, Earth would never be the same again. Along with being a supporter of the MPF, He was also a Police officer before the seven hour war, So he has some experience of being an authority figure.
What do you hope to achieve in the MPF?(1 - 3 paragraphs):
Randolf hopes to achieve multiple things, One of them is the downfall of the rebellion. He has despised them through all his years living in City 18, And now that he gets an opportunity to punish them, He will gladly take it. Randolf also hopes to see the world as a more civilized society, But he has noticed some corrupt MPF Officers punishing citizens for no reason, He will try to correct those rights and not follow the same path they have.
Name 5 things a MPF unit does every day?:
- Patrol
- Train
- Follow Orders from Officers
- Watch over the citizens
- Guard the Hardpoints if needed.
Character backstory(2 - 4 paragraphs):
I Work as a Police Officer for the Berlin Police Station, I often respond to firefights and hostage situations. Everything was going smooth for Me until one day I was called on a Hostage situation, It was a terrorist group holding a CEO for a major company hostage, The terrorists threathened to blow up the building and the surrounding plaza, As my team ascended to the rooftops to meet him, The building exploded and the surrounding plaza shook from the explosion. I woke up hours later in an ambulance. They told him that he was lucky to survive, As the TNT wasnt strong enough to completely destroy the building, but sections of it were completely destroyed. As I was rushed to the hospital, I went unconscious from the shock and loss of blood. A few days later I had finally woke up from his disastrous incident and the nurses were treating Me.

Then about 3 months later, I was receiving my daily dose of vitamin pills, But then the entire building shook and crumbled, The power went on and off mutiple times and I heard screams of other patients and doctors as they were horrified of the sudden change in events. The nurses took him outside to escort him to a safer place, But then I witnessed the horrible events unfold. I saw Combine spaceships flying over Berlin and dropping down bombs that shook entire blocks, Apaches and Jets were taken out of the sky like flies, The nurses stood horrified at what was happening, Then I saw some combine Soldiers shoot an officer in the head and walk away like nothing happened. The nurses called 911 but there was no answer. As I was being escorted to one of the military hideouts, I saw a Combine soldier shoot the nurses that were escorting him, And then I was knocked unconscious. After I woke from My coma, The combine asked me to choose, Be amputated painfully and slowly, Or live in the hell of a city called City 18, I chose City 18, Once I got there I noticed how horrible it was, Rebels attacking a defenseless MPF officer, And much more unmentionable things. After a few more months of living in this hellhole of a place called City 18. I wanted some change, So I applied for the MPF and awaited their final decision


Note: If you spot some mistakes, Tell me. I was sorta sleepy while doing this application. Id also like as much criticism as possible, Since i rarely do any applications of any sorts. I also know thats a bit more than two paragraphs, I just dont really feel like spacing them out.


Last edited by CookieMasterz on Tue May 07, 2013 12:08 pm; edited 5 times in total (Reason for editing : Some changes, Like bolding the titles.)
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Post by L30N on Tue May 07, 2013 12:00 pm

You don't seem to know the difference between ooc and IC. (In the IC section Randolf keeps referring to himself as Randolf
You keep alternating between past and present tense in the back story.
In the first paragraph of the back story, you refer to the group of terrorists as "he" which would imply you are talking about Randolf.
Although I appreciate your mentioning of the seven hour war, I'd like for you to include both the Portal Storms and the resonance cascade in the back story.
I doubt the combine would have had any use for hostages.
I have no idea where/why people seem to have this idea in their head that C18 was flooded with Exogenic creatures (Antilions) but I highly doubt it's true.

-Support

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Post by CookieMasterz on Tue May 07, 2013 12:05 pm

Fixed pretty much everything besides mentioning more things like the portal storms, But i dont understand what you mean by i keep on changing from past tense to present in my back story, Randolf is recalling all the events. But besides that, Thanks for the Constructive Criticism.


Last edited by CookieMasterz on Wed May 08, 2013 9:35 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Igor The Sloth on Tue May 07, 2013 1:29 pm

Neutral. From what LEON said you messed up the app real bad on first try lol.

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Post by Cypher on Tue May 07, 2013 1:56 pm

+1, good backstory

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Post by Sloth the Wizard on Tue May 07, 2013 6:23 pm

L3ON The dream killer
Neutral
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Post by CookieMasterz on Tue May 07, 2013 9:22 pm

Igor The Sloth wrote:Neutral. From what LEON said you messed up the app real bad on first try lol.

Hayyyy.

But anyways, It wasnt THAT bad on my first try, Besides mixing up OOC with IC, Everything else was a grammer mistake, Or some assumstions i had.

Note: Trust me, i know the diffrence between OOC and IC, I just wasnt paying attention and was letting the story flow through my mind as i saw it through my own eyes, Then after leon said i mixed up IC and OOC, I quickly changed my stupid mistake.


Last edited by CookieMasterz on Wed May 08, 2013 6:34 am; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Grumpy Combine on Wed May 08, 2013 4:13 am

+1 support.

First, your back story gives reason for him to be in the MPF.

Second, he corrected his grammar (A little).

But he needs to learn the difference between IC and OOC, it is his first application so I'm being lenient.

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Post by Noliq on Wed May 08, 2013 6:28 pm

Neutral.

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Post by Grammar Nazi on Thu May 09, 2013 7:48 am

Neutral, the reason because he does not know the difference between IC and OOC.

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Post by Igor The Sloth on Thu May 09, 2013 7:50 am

Denied bruv lol.

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