Postal's Second Try

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Postal's Second Try Empty Postal's Second Try

Post by The Postal Dude on Fri May 10, 2013 5:34 am

First off, sorry for the shitty first attempt, I know now that I should've put way more effort into the Backstory, and in this re-try I hope to amend that mistake. And I appreciate the feedback, its good to see that you're not letting just anybody body become a CP. Smile

OOC:

Steam name: The Postal Dude
SteamID: STEAM_0:0:31570706
Age: 15
How long have you been playing SlothGaming?: Not very long, coming up on a week, maybe even a week, haven't really been count.
How long have you been roleplaying for?: For around 3-4 years.
Why do you want to join the MPF?(1 paragraph): I feel like this server has a really firm grip on SeriousRP from just a day of playing on it and I can see admins do genuinely take their roles seriously. So I’m applying because I want to take on an in depth role with your community and I hope you will accept me. I would also like to be able to unlock new areas of RP to enjoy and explore. Plus nothing feels better than taking down an Anti-Citizen with your stunstick.

Why does your character want to join the MPF?(1 paragraph): Nate wants to be an MPF officer because of the pain an anguish that was brought to him from his mother's death at the hands of a criminal, and that the MPF has a zero tolerance policy against those who break the law.

Do you have any previous MPF experience?: Yes, I've been a CP on a number of servers.
Have you ever been banned, if yes explain why?: Nope.

IC:

Name: Nate Samson
Age: 40
Sex: Male
Weight: 161lb
Height: 6ft
Why do you want to join the MPF?(2 paragraphs): I wish to join the MPF so that I may serve the Combine as part of their brave law keeping police force. I believe that the MPF are here to protect our best interests and to keep us safe from criminal scum that want to send our world into anarchy filled chaos.

As well as this, I wish to show that I am willing to lay down my life in the protection of Combine law as I know it will be done for the greater good, dying in service to the Combine would be a small price to pay compared to part of a world over run by filthy law breakers.

What do you hope to achieve in the MPF?(1 - 3 paragraphs): I hope that in the MPF I will be able to stop violation of City 45’s laws and to help in the on-going battle against the crime.

I hope that I can become part of the force's interrogation teams, as everybody know that information is key to thwarting any plans by the City’s enemies. As well as of course being part of the City’s patrolling units, who spend day and night keeping us safe from law breakers.

It is this that I wish to achieve during my service with the MPF of City 45.

Name 5 things a MPF unit does every day?:
-Patrol
-Arrest Anti-Citizens
-Train
-Search for Contraband
-Maintain/Clean Equipment

Character backstory(2 - 4 paragraphs): Nate grew up in the Tuscon, Arizona with his mother and father: Mary and George. His father was a grocery store owner who made a way out of honest living and made sure that he taught his boy that to. He made sure that Nate was properly educated, he made sure he respected the law and stayed out of trouble. And so Nate grew into a firm believer in law and order, that laws were there to protect people, no matter what laws they were.

Unfortunately, no matter how much Nate believed in the firmness of the law, that didn't stop his mother from being viciously murdered one terrible night. Her body was found in back alley, stabbed, all here money taken. The killer was never found. The police tried their hardest, but any leads were dragged to a halt. It nearly torn Nate's father apart with grief, he would sit in the shop all day and all night, no moving an inch, just sat and stared into space. Seeing his father like this nearly drove him madness to, but he managed to keep sane and keep the shop running. He still though about it a lot though, how somebody could just get away scott free with something so horrible.

So one day, Nate decided to do something about it. He put his dad's store up for sale, the old man had also died recently and the place was nothing but a drain on his money and filled with too many bad memories, and he plucked up the courage to join the Tuscon PD. However, it was also the day the War began, the Portal Storms opened throughout the city and Combine Soldiers came matching through. Quite an incredible coincidence actually, that the day he decided he wanted to be a cop, that a whole new order was a established, with whole new laws. Nate was one of the few survivors of the attack on Tuscon when the Combine rolled through. And as soon as Nate found out about how Combine law cracked down harshly on those who broke it, on those like his mother's killer. Well, how could he not resist the opportunity to help stamp down on those who broke the law?


Last edited by The Postal Dude on Sat May 11, 2013 2:11 am; edited 4 times in total

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Post by Alexei on Fri May 10, 2013 8:28 am

Yeeeeeaaahhhhh

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Post by Igor The Sloth on Fri May 10, 2013 9:07 am

Alexei wrote:Yeeeeeaaahhhhh

Edit with proper vote.

Neutral from me.

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Post by Sloth the Wizard on Fri May 10, 2013 9:14 am

Netrual
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Post by L30N on Fri May 10, 2013 10:02 am

It's C45 now, I would imagine an MPF officer should/would notice such a drastic change in scenery and Country.
Go over your app again and fix the grammatical and spelling errors.
2, 4 and 5 on the name five things an MPF unit does every day are essentially the same.
When the Combine attacked, Nate would have been fifteen, alter your back story accordingly.
There is no mention of the Resonance Cascade or Portal storms in the back story, fix that.
In my opinion, his motivation to join the police (in the back story) is a bit... Eh... I can't talk from personal experience, but I doubt after your mother has died without any help from the police force, you'd want to join their ranks.
What happened to his job at his dad's shop? And while we're on the subject, what happened to his dad?

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Post by Noliq on Fri May 10, 2013 11:47 am

Neutral yo.

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Post by Grammar Nazi on Fri May 10, 2013 1:11 pm

Neutral unless edited.

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Post by Cypher on Fri May 10, 2013 1:14 pm

Neutral. Edit

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Post by The Postal Dude on Sat May 11, 2013 2:14 am

Okay guys, I've made the necessary changes, if there's anything else don't hesitate to mention it. I hope you don't mind if I leave the backstory as Nate joining because he wanted to stop criminals like his mother's killer, mainly because it was a slight bitch to write, and also mainly because I quite like it really.

But tell me anything else needs changing, and if you really would like me to I'll edit the backstory, thanks.

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Post by Sloth the Wizard on Sat May 11, 2013 7:30 am

Denied
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