My new application for the MPF.

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Post by CookieMasterz on Sun May 12, 2013 7:39 am

Weight: Round about the Pre-War average.
Height:Round about the Pre-War average, like his weight.

Do fix.

+1, Decent enough app, I overlooked most mistakes that were minor.
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Post by L30N on Sun May 12, 2013 8:09 am

CookieMasterz wrote:Weight: Round about the Pre-War average.
Height:Round about the Pre-War average, like his weight.

Do fix.

+1, Decent enough app, I overlooked most mistakes that were minor.
Good to see you're not copying me anymore >:D

ANYWAY, On topic.

  • You shouldn't just jump through your app, but if you do, don't tell us that you're doing it
    Avenger wrote:There are more reasons I could've listed,but I wanted to get on with the backstory
    list those reasons, or don't mention them at all.
  • In why your char wants to join the MPF you imply he wants to start battles
    Avenger wrote: He wants to stop the rebels from taking over the city, as he thinks that will lead to more battles and bloodshed in the future.
  • He wants to honor a group of soldiers that disobeyed orders. So you want him to be rogue?
  • No mention of the Portal storms or the Resonance Cascade.
  • You don't simply "Not know" that the seven hour war has begun.
  • Avenger wrote:a complete engine and electrics faliure
    If the engines had already failed, why did he get to the int airport before you mention the second engine failing?
  • I doubt after a plane crash you could just walk to Washington D.C
  • You jump from what recently happened all the way back to his childhood, edit the backstory so it's more chronological.
  • The citizens were already moved into large cities during the Resonance Cascade due to large amounts of radiation flooding the Earth, so they couldn't sneak into a city midway through the seven hour war as most of the Earth would still be flooded with radiation from the Resonance Cascade.
  • Amazing amount of narcotics? I haven't encountered one person either high on, or in possession of drugs in my time on the server.

-Support.

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Post by CookieMasterz on Sun May 12, 2013 8:15 am

Height: 4 foot.


Please change it to something like 6 foot. 4 Feet is about the size of my Little brother.
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Post by Noliq on Sun May 12, 2013 8:16 am

-1 L30N said it.

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Post by L30N on Sun May 12, 2013 10:02 am

Avenger wrote:-snip-
As alot of people know, it's best not to argue with me over hl2 lore. The portal storms was the event sparked by the Resonance Cascade (Gordon pushing the GG-3883, a crystal retrieved from Xen, into the Anti-Mass Spectrometer. Creating a portal to Xen). The Portal storm is the event in which the Xen creatures travel use the Xen relay to get to Earth.
(And if that isn't enough to persuade you, here's a date)
Resonance Cascade - May 16th 2003
Portal Storms - May 16th 2003.
You mentioned the seven hour war, not the Portal Storms.

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Post by L30N on Sun May 12, 2013 11:43 am

Avenger wrote:Sorry Leon, I havn't been on the forums enough to get to know the admins. I see what you mean now. I mentioned "Portal Clouds" but not "Portal Storms"
I'll correct that, Thanks! Very Happy
I started rereading the back story and I've realised I must not have explained one part well enough. The Resonance Cascade and Portal Storms happened a year before the seven hour war and had nothing to do with the UU.

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Post by Sloth the Wizard on Sun May 12, 2013 11:49 am

Hes banned, Aka Denied
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